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Sandwich Guru
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This Penny Arcade mad me laugh my silly ass off. It’s true, though: there are very specific, codified rules of sandwich making, the violation of which puts the pleasure of one’s sandwich-eating experience at risk.

Yesterday I was called a sandwich guru. It was said of my simple peanut butter and cheese sandwich that it was “a joy to eat.” And then I got a compliment on the apparent structural integrity of my own cheese, tomato, and lettuce sandwich.

Having it said that I would make a good wife someday was a bit strange, though. I had to point out that wives who make sandwiches went out with the sixties, and that there are only two significant non-commercial creators of sandwiches today: bachelors and mothers of school-children.

Why is that, anyway?

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As a non-fan of sandwiches, I'd have to venture that sandwich-making wives are no longer the social phenomenon they once were due to the advent of the microwave and the great opportunity of everywoman and everyman to now have last night's leftovers for a hot lunch.

Although I've never heard of a peanut-butter and cheese sandwich, and would be interested to try one. What kind of cheese?

I usually use a medium-aged supermarket cheddar, though pretty much any semi-hard cheese will do. Swiss is good, and I'm sure read cheddar would work nicely too.

Peanut butter and cheese sandwiches are something I got from an English woman I once roomed with. The next time there is bread, peanut butter, cheese, you, an appropriate appetite, and I in the same place, I will make you one. :-)

No, wait. Scratch that. Now that I recall, she thought that cheese and peanut butter was weird. No, I learned the delights of cheese and jam from my English roomie.

Ever tried liver sausage topped with blackberry jam?

Noo... I can't say I have. I think I'm more willing to experiment with non-meats.

How in the world does blackberry jam work with liver sausage?

I was six years old. Any more questions?

It's the only "recipe" I kept from those days, though. I remember I enjoyed to dissolve liquorice snails in soda water. That stopped soon after leaving kindergarten.

But when drinking Soda Cream for the first (and last) time and discussing Turkey Soda in metaquotes I think that I can't have been that wrong.

This reminds me of "A Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" .

Really? :-)

In the stilted writing style or in the subject matter?

Both of course *coughcough*

Actually the whole sandwich thing reminded me of it. I don't know if you read the book (and I actually forgot in which part it happens). The only thing the protagonist Arthur is good in is making a good sandwich. And he eventually ends up on a planet where he is The Maker of Sandwiches. If you don't know the book I shall search for a quotation.

Yes! I'd forgotten about that.

I need to re-read the books. They are so stuffed full of details that it's impossible to remember all of it.

He was a great sandwich-maker.

Yeah, but that part was in book five, so I tend to pretend it never happened.

I waited with bated breath for Adams to "fix" that book with the sixth in the trilogy, and then he up and died. I still haven't had the heart to read Salmon of Doubt.

Peanuts butter and cheese? Bazzar.
It does not sound horid. but on a sandwich. Bazzar.

It's all kinds of tasty. Well, actually only one kind of tasty, but it's a tasty that kicks a number of other tasties' asses.

Cheese and pickles, I would think, is more bizarre. Cheese and jam is also very tasty.

Pickles and cheese is so good. I have never had it on anything but crackers.

I am trying to ingnore the cheese and jam that is above.

I'd add poor students to the list.

Of course! Ah yes, that brings unwed women into it, for sure.

Still, though, sandwich-making seems to me a predominantly male practice... It makes me wonder whether there is some social forces at play or if it's just my perception. Either way, there are unplumbed depths of gender issues relating to sandwiches.

Our relationship is well balanced. We make both sandwiches for each other. The only gender issue is that he does not like butter and I can't live without it.

But it's true, when I made a whole box of sandwiches for our theatre workshop weekend I felt a lot like a mom preparing to go to the playground with her kids.

Ranty about sandys

I see sandwiches as "cheap food" and I am inherently cheap. ;)

I prefer a good bun (crusty over soft) over standard bread. And using tortillas for wraps are a new thing for me.

Fave fillings include roast beast, turkey, ham, tuna or salmon plus some sort of cheese (usually cheddar althoug I am branching out more recently). I occasionally get a craving for liverwurst.

I think the most critical thing in sandwich making is preserving the moisture balance. I rarely use lettuce in a sandwich because I am too lazy to wash it and dry it out properly. Tomatoes are also problematic unless added just before eating.

At Subway, I always ask for as many olives as is possible to fit in the sandwich, but few of their "sandwich artists" understand this simple request.

I am starting to remind myself of Jeff from Coupling. *snerk*

Re: Ranty about sandys

Wraps are an excellent alternative to bread. I first tried it with peanut butter and jam for breakfast, and was inordinately pleased with the result. The only difficulty is getting the amount and location of the filling right so that its attempts to escape out either end are controllable.

I understand about the olives. They're little preserved slices of heaven. The assembly-line sandwich places never seem to understand instructions that violate their assembly standards, I know. If I tell them, "just a little mayo," they inevitably squirt on the standard half-gallon. I have to explicitly say, "only one line of mayo," as "a little" just doesn't seem to be meaningful.

I never go through enough lettuce to justify buying a whole head that's just going to turn to slime anyway. I buy the bagged salad stuff, either straight lettuce or the mixes. The advantage is that it's pre-washed and relatively dry, though there is a significant hit in the quality of the greens. In my case, it's better than no lettuce at all—I don't eat enough veggies—or some lettuce and the threat of sentient slime claiming sovereignty over the crisper.

Re: Ranty about sandys

I was once a "sandwich artist". The "formula" for a sandwich includes 8 olive slices. My boss always pointed out that I put to many olives on sandwiches and that if a customer wanted more then you put on 4 more, then 2 more. Seriously. I only did this when he was around. If a person says I want LOTS of olives they want more than 14, usually they want handfulls.

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