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Big dawgz, stupid gorillas, and penile dissatisfaction, looking for a fight
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saxifrage00
Well that was a fucking adventure.

Friday night, done work and I’m looking forward to two weeks off to enjoy and do a bunch of unpacking and settling of the new place. So, a pretty good time to be at, I figure. Then I get off the highway and head through town to home.

I’m stopped at a red in the left lane of a two-lane street, behind a big silver new-model truck with a dog in the back—the kind of dog that only Tough Guys™ have. Light turns green. Simple, right? No. Truck starts up the very modest hill at a crawl and keeps going, showing no signs of speeding up. Simple, right? No. I try to go around and the truck suddenly swerves dramatically to cut me off. I slow down and go back into the left lane. Truck moves back into left lane, slows, and stops, then flashes it’s brake lights at me a few times. A hugely muscled example of Tough Guy™ in a black muscle shirt opens the driver door, heading for me. Simple, right? I go around in the right lane, and as I do, the passenger door opens only to be quickly shut to avoid it from being ripped off by my car hurtling toward it.

I figure that’s that, and I keep heading up the street toward home. There are other cars ahead of me, and I’m going at a decent pace. A kilometre farther and I realise the truck is behind me, flashing its lights. It honks, speeding up and down. They try to go around me but fail due to oncoming traffic. The other cars ahead of me turn down different streets as I continue straight onto a neighbourhood street. Truck tries to get beside me, I cut him off.

At this point I should note that my little Nissan looks like a beater, the shiny top layer of paint-protector peeling on the hood and it’s an ‘86 model. The truck is a nice shiny new one, big and burly-looking, probably quite new. I realise now the only thing that likely kept him from physically ramming me was how much he valued his penis replacementtruck.

Anyway, there’s no way I’m going home, but I intuit that I’ve got control so long as I can keep myself moving and them from getting in front of me. I dig my cellphone out of my pocket and call 911 as I pass a block from my house. I keep going, take a right because the light is red. I almost lose him as I get the initial situation described to the dispatcher, but he keeps me in sight and catches up in some neighbourhood streets that I am familiar with and he is not. Back toward Kingsway I head, cutting off some poor guy trying to turn left and thankfully avoiding an accident as I race to keep ahead of the nutjob behind me.

The dispatcher is telling me to find a gas station or other safe place with people around when he pulls up beside me, tries to make me think he’ll sideswipe me a few times, and the passenger screams through the window, “You’re fucking dead!” a few times and throws something at my car. I tell the dispatcher as much and tell her that there’s no way I’ll be safe stopping anywhere, even with people around, and just then I see one of those ubiquitous weirdly-angled side-streets and dodged down it, the truck full of stupid stuck in a lane that keeps them on Kingsway.

They fail to realise they could have taken the next right to catch up again, and a few turns later I’m pretty sure they’re gone for good. I give a description of the driver and the truck (and dog) to the dispatcher, as well as the last known heading of the truck, and she puts out an all-cars alert to pull them over. I take a convoluted route home, finally sure I’m safe, and here I am.

Fucking asshats. Thinking over it, I almost think he was going slow to pick a fight. When I say he swerved “dramatically” to cut me off when this all began, it was a full shock-rocking hard-right turn to get in my way. The most I did was sit behind him at a light. I don’t even know if he could see me personally, though he might have when I was stopped and my headlights were occluded by his tailgate. Even then, the only thing could have been that he didn’t like the way I was looking at his “dawg”, or that he thought my long hair somehow meant I was of a sexual persuasion for which he was phobic.

Home, safe and sound, in any case. I do hope he gets pulled over. Damn, though, I wish I’d got the license plate.

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*boggle*

I don't get people. I'm so, so very glad that you're safe.

I'm reassured that you're smart and quick-thinking, and would survive an onslaught of aggressive morons as competently as you'd make it through a zombie invasion.

It's a good thing that zombies don't drive trucks! It's also a good thing that morons are afraid to scratch their paint job.

Ooo, it would have been interesting to sideswipe them with my crappy car just to put some of my paint on them for identification purposes... Ah well, I'll remember that the next time a moronic zombie truck is trying to run me down.

damn, i wish you'd gotten his license plate as well. either there was an overdose of stupid in that car, or they were on something and decided to be assholes on purpose, or both.

at least you're home safe. still, damn, i wish you'd gotten that license plate. i'd love to know that the jerk, his crony, and his stupid fucking dog were off the streets.

I'm hoping they're distinctive enough that the all-cruisers alert will pick them up. They couldn't have got too far from the area I told the cops they were last in, and it's a busy street almost guaranteed to have a cruiser or three near.

Alas, I probably won't hear either way unless serious charges are laid and I'm called in to identify them.

they're also on ultra!asshole mode, so it's quite likely that they'll be picked up by either a cop tweaked to look for that or a cop just noticing their huge radius of assholitry. (heh, made up a word.) it's unlikely that you'll be called to identify them, but it IS likely that they'll be picked up. while people trashed off their ass often drive safely, this fucker obviously doesn't have it in him to try to fly under the radar--if he makes it home, he'll likely head out on foot with his crony to cause trouble in the neighbourhood. whichever way, he's SO asking for the cops to pick him up.

Yikes. I'm glad you made it home okay.

along with everyone else I am glad that you are okay and that you outsmarted the asshatts (though with their combined intelligence I am sure you would have still come out on top)
anyways *hugs* to you

Wow. I also am so glad you made smart choices and arrived home safe. Micah and I had a similar situation last weekend in SF (though without the personal threats of bodily violence) but there was an asshole dramatically cutting us off and driving in such a stupid incredibly uber-aggressive way that we took down his licence plate and then tried to decide what to do.
We should have just called the cops (maybe not the emergency number in our case).
Good on you for not being afraid to call 911. That's what it's for.

Yes, this is apparently crazy-people week. Sounds like someone looking for some form of entertainment, and you happened ot be in the wrong place at the wrong time. :/

"Nice truck, pity about your penis"

Fucking scary. At least you kept cool during the whole thing.

Wow, people can be mean, and somehow they get meaner behind the wheel of a big dangerous vehicle. Good job on the quick thinking - I'm glad you're safe.

Quoting a policeman from a TV-documentary: "Somebody seems to have opened a can of idiots in the city this morning."

I'm glad you're safe and sound. Brainless thugs suck. *hugs*

Yet MORE evidence that we need to be more selective as a society about who gets to live past age 16.

I am totally convinced that warning labels are to blame.

I am glad you are safe.

I will keep my eyes open for said pickup.

I drive a lot.

And I have an idea...

I commend your use of the word "asshat" - and I'm glad you're okay. People are silly.

well done!

You have survived another encounter will one of the many fools that litter this nation.

Your prized is continued existence. I am sorry that the world cannot offer more to you, but I, for one, am pleased that you survived. We need to keep the ratio of cool people like yourself vs morons like truck boy as high as we can.

Glad you're safe, and glad you didn't decide to sideswipe them either! Similar thing happened to me late,late,late one night on the drive home from Univeristy. I'd already been on the road for six hours, and was dying to crawl into bed. I passed a van outside of Toronto, that was driving slowly in the pasing lane - probably about 1:30 in the a.m. They didn't like being passed, turned on their high beams, and started tailgating me. Scared the sh*t out of me, since there were no other cars on the road. Luckily, my car was faster, and I managed to outdistance them - I was actually hoping to get pulled over by a cop for speeding, so that I could report the aggresive driving, and wouldn't be nervous the whole way home.

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